Sex Joke

Sex Joke: 1

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and G are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs... {B} - Barely there. {C} - Can't Complain! {D} - Damn! {DD} - Double damn! {E} - Enormous! {G} - GEEEEzus Christ! {F} - Fake.

   

Sex Joke: 2 

A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless. "Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts. "Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven." Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. "Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!" What do you mean? says his mother. Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both her balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling "God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!"

Sex Joke: 3 

A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's apartment. "I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all." "Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes," said the midget. The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times. "If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"

Sex Joke: 4 

Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is using a feather... kinky is using the whole chicken.

Sex Joke: 5 

The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?" The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?" He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."

Sex Joke: 6

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.

At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they're finally together."

A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"

The priest says, "I mean her legs."

   

Sex Joke: 7

 GIRL'S CONFESSION

The priest leaned closer to hear the girl's confession. "So me and my cousin were alone in the house," she continued, "and went up to my bedroom..." "Go on, my child," said the priest gently. "I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on my....on my..." "Go on." "On my pussy," stammered the girl, blushing behind the screen. "And touched me and touched me until I couldn't help myself." "Yes, go on," the priest directed. "I pulled down his pants and his cock popped out, stiff and tall," the girl went on, with a little whimper of shame, "and he began to shove it in me so hard..." "Yes, yes... Go on," he urged, breathing hard. "And then we heard the front door slam--" "Oh, SHIT!!!!

Sex Joke: 8 

Two pedophiles were sitting on the beach.

One said to the other "Hey get out of my son!"

Sex Joke: 9 

Why do bankers make great lovers?

They know the penalty for early withdrawal.

Sex Joke: 10 

How do you re-sleeve a prostitute?

- Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out.

Sex Joke: 11

How do you get Visual Aids?

- From a nasty poke in the eye.

   

Sex Joke: 12 

Which of the following doesn't belong?

(a) meat (b) eggs (c) wife (d) blow job

(D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat, your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob

Sex Joke: 13 

What is the similarity between a woman and a washing machine?

They both leak when they're fucked!

Sex Joke: 14 

What two things in the air will get a women pregnant?

Her legs.

Sex Joke: 15 

What is a Yankee?

A quickie, but you do it yourself.

Sex Joke: 16

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

- Because she gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69.

   

Sex Joke: 17 

What's a Jewish American Princess's idea of kinky sex?

She moves.

Sex Joke: 18

 How can you tell if your girlfriend is frigid?

When you open her legs the lights go on

Sex Joke: 19 

Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, its fathers turn to do the job. "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork parents are desperate, their son is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask their son where he had been all night. Says the baby stork, "Awww, just scaring the shit out of college kids!"

Sex Joke: 20 

The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. "Heavens," she cried, "it's my husband! Quick, jump out the window." The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window, then demurred. "I can't," he said, "we're on the thirteenth floor." "For heaven's sake," cried the young lady in exasperation, "is this a time to be superstitious?"