My teacher says our school books

My teacher says our school books are a magic carpet that will take us all over the world.
I took mine to the garage and had them fitted with seat belts.

All of my schoolbooks have pictures in them,
even if I have to draw them myself.

My teacher caught me drawing in my American Revolution textbook.
She said, "What do you think you're doing?"
I said, "Making my mark in history."

One of my teachers said that I should hand in my books at the end of the year better than when I got them.
What does he want me to do, add pages?

My teacher told us that books are man's best friend,
so my dog bit him.

My teacher says we should treat our schoolbooks just like we treat one another.
So after school, I picked a fight with my History book.

MOTHER: How come you never bring any books home?
SON: Mom, they're schoolbooks, not home books.

SON: Dad, my teacher says I should have an encyclopedia.
FATHER: Nonsense, you'll walk to school the same as I did.

The only thing I hate worse than carrying a lot of schoolbooks home
is having to open them once I get there.

If the Good Lord wanted us to bring schoolbooks home from school,
He would have put wheels on them.

Any book with George Washington's writing in it is worth thousands of dollars.
Any book with my writing in it is worth two weeks of detention.

My lunch leaked all over my schoolbooks.
I now have the only geography book where the map of Turkey is covered with gravy.

We have to carry heavy books home, then we have to carry heavy books back to school in the morning.
If the authorities knew this was going to happen, why didn't they build the school closer to us?

What do librarians hang over their babies' cribs?
Bookmobiles.

What has a spine but no bones?
A book.

Why did the Rumanian stop reading for the night?
To give his Bucharest (book a rest).

Why was the library so messy?
Because it was full of litter ature.

What would you get if you crossed a comedian and an Edgar Allan Poe story?
The wit and the pendulum.

What would you get if you crossed a locomotive with the author of Tom Sawyer?
A choo choo Twain.

How did the author of Tom Sawyer learn to ride a bicycle?
With Twain ing wheels.